A few things caught my attention:
MC707 wrote:I kill civilians and run illegal cargo for the military!
Which military factions kill civilians (from their own point of view)? None. Pirates are criminals, not civilians; ISO are terrorists, not civilians; and aliens are aliens. The military might run their own cargo, but none of the military factions I can think of (Homeland Security, Confed, etc) are friendly toward contraband. So consider changing that to "I kill aliens and escort cargo ships for the military."
MC707 wrote:Man 1: This is a job where you don’t only help yourself. You help your faction. Only in the military would a teenager be given responsibilities like piloting a capital ship, maneuvering a fully stocked Pacifier, or dropping anti-matter ordnance explosives. Make a change for yourself, in the Confed Military.
Very good! I had a tank driver once who knocked down 3 trees in one day, and almost ran me over during resupply that night. He got better, but his first few weeks on the job were definitely difficult for him and the rest of the crew.
MC707 wrote:Man 3: I used to study in a university planet. I constantly got into pointless fights I didn’t understand about creating new FTL travel systems
Excellent forum reference, and a good warning to new players that when they find the forum thread you are talking about, not to read it.
MC707 wrote:Man 4 (With a gay voice [no offense meant here]): I started having fantasies about *stabbing* people. Now, I can do it for my faction!
Somebody will have to explain this one to me. Is it funny that a psychopath has an effeminate voice? Or that the military hired him despite his mental illness? Or did they hire him because of it?
MC707 wrote: Positions are unexpectedly vacant every day! In fact, I’m about to give up my well-paying job as a voiceover actor in order to sign up and be shouted at by a lot of sexually-confused skinheads! I want excitement, and what could be more exciting than shitting yourself in your ship while its hull surrenders to the vacuum of space?
1. The first sentence is good, and reminds the player that there is a war going on.
2. We get paid? I do get the joke here -- the voice actor doing the ad is sold on his product. So that's funny too.
3. I'm not sure what point you're making with the "sexually confused" part. "Sexually repressed" could mean that the Drill Instructors are rough on the recruits (it's their job, but it's easy to overdo it if you're not careful), or "sexually ambigious" could be a poke (pun intended) at the US military's "don't ask don't tell" policy -- that is, in the future you're not sure if your D.I. is a man or a woman, in a Joe Haldeman "Forever War" sort of way. But "sexually confused" implies that the D.I.s don't know themselves what they are.
4. The Skinheads are a loosely organized international white supremacist gang, who borrowed most of their ideals and symbols from the Nazi party. I'd recommend avoiding any reference (accidental or intentional) to modern-day illegal gangs, unless we're talking about an illegal VS faction which descended from it,and the VS military factions are neither. Even if you were referring to the D.I.'s haircuts, you could say "shaved-headed" or something else that's not "skinhead."
MC707 wrote:Grandeur Sublimity Resort and Casino Planet in Cephid 17.
No such planet exists in that system. Recommend you pick something far away, if the hard-coded systems don't have a tropical planet. Or, we could add a hard-coded tropical planet, so the ad would fit into all instances of VS.
MC707 wrote:Man: Time is valuable-less in the land of gambling.
Not sure what you meant by "valuable-less" here. Do you mean to say that while time is normally valuable, it is not valuable when gambling?
MC707 wrote:Girl (sad): I busted my game against a Mechanist man and sold my third kidney.
Mom: That’s my hatchling!
What race are these people? I'm guessing Rlaan if they have 3 or more kidneys. It doesn't matter, but it's something that the ad should explain somehow and in so doing, teach the player about the VS universe.
MC707 wrote:Man: Share the love- the love of money! Plus, the Grandeur Sublimity Resort and Casino Planet has the best fodder in Cephid 17! Featuring our galaxy-famous genetically modified radioactive boar, courtesy of the Aera chef Gromnnch!
(pig snort sound)
Funny! I would only add, consider playing a pig snort then a pig squeal, as if you just heard the chef killing the pig so he can cook it.
MC707 wrote: In the meantime, a pirate could have his way with your wife, smoke an ammoniate, flip her over, go for a second round, and run away with your children.
I recommend you tone that down. Any woman, and any man who is in a healthy relationship, will find that very offensive and not funny. The rest of the LI'l Bob's ad is great.
Edit: If you missed it, the wiki location to collect this material is here:
http://vegastrike.sourceforge.net/media ... ical_Audio
More importantly, I liked it to Development:Audio and vice versa.