Help we ar hackers

Post by **www2** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 1:41 am

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12 ... .2147.html
i found this link on the planeshift forum... ( http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=25542.0 )
this is article form i think the stupis man on this planet...
one thing that i can say ane jo the fun...

jere19 · Post by **jere19** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:29 am

This is frightening... It took me a little time to get that it wasn't serious.
The worst is that i heard nearly every piece separately in real...
But all of them in one page that's too much to be real, and thankfully it isn't

plueschinger · Post by **plueschinger** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:44 am

Hello

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War.

No, or does he know my root and, or userpassword ?

Regards
plueschinger

geoscope · Post by **geoscope** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 12:15 am

Sadly, most of the people responding to that post are clearly US "Americans". I am discouraged that most "Americans" have no sense of satire or irony (Perhaps this is because we have focused on and developed a highly attuned sense of sarcasm, and for some people sarcasm and satire are mutually exclusive mental skills). I'm embarassed by my countrymen, but I refuse to be apologetic on their behalf. I already do all that I can to rectify the dearth of proper satire in this country.

Please try to remember that we Americans can appreciate a good joke, even if most of us have a limited dialetic appreciation of humor. After all, we did elect GWB not once but twice -- and that only after having twice elected the man who had to ask what the definition of "is" is. See, some of us can do satire and irony; though in WJC's case, he had the benefit of several years at Oxford to study that rarified form of humour.

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:34 am

oho ho ho ho
OMG! Watadork!

It's obviously a joke and the author aint that ignorant..

consider the way he "russianized" Linus Torvalds into Linyos Torovoltos.

But still most of the people who commented got angry, spouted explanations to "rectify" this guy's "misconceptions", denied some of the claims, etc and etc.

heh. talk about being gullibly non-gullible. They thought they were too smart to be fooled, and were fooled into thinking that they were being fooled.

lol

Here are some of the funnier comments tho

how could i have been so blind...i have been putting firewall after firewall on my system. when along along i have tryyng to keep myself out... yes now that i have read your article i realize that i am a hacker...I have reviewed my computer and discovered filthy programs running amuck everywhere...Flash. MP3's. DOS. BIOS. and the holy grail of hacking, yes its true I HAVE LINUX, i am so sorry and at this moment the police are on their way to put me away...THANK YOU for opening my unworthy eyes

Help me. I listen to burnt CD's with stolen MP3s I got from KaZaA. And I use Tribes2 as a meeting place to "chat" with my hacker gang. @home IS my ISP so maybe I should change it to the better and faster AOL. I dont know any more. I think I will kill myself if my parents found out. Pleas. help me. I dont have many friends in the real world becaus they dont like the fact I told them I would hack the schools computers to change their notes. but. they are goodie goodies. and dont want me too.

Plz. help me.

hate to say it but...the only possible answer is their instant demise if you are to save their soul from the burning grasp of the dark lord Satan. First you must disconnect your modem from the wall and then take your Holy Hammer* and crush the moniter. You must hit if 3 times each time invocing the name of the Son, the Father, and the Holy Ghost (one each time). After this you must nail your son to the wall of the basement, or if you are lacking a basement, to the bathroom mirror and use the Holy Hammer to hammer crosses into his eyes, mouth, navel and his dirty dirty loins, the root of the devils power. After he has died remove his heart and hold it up the the light. Procced to take it downstairs and drop it in the blender along with 2 cups of holy water.Turn it on high for 2 minutes and drink the resulting mixture. Doing all of this will hurt, but the immortal soul of your son is more important than your mortal feelings, he will thank you in heaven.

Much love!

*How to make a Holy Hammer: Take two hammers and nail them together to form a cross like item. Remove the head on the crossbar and dip it in holy water while chanting out prayers to the lord.

have not read through any of the comments regarding this piece of missinformed garbage because in all honesty i still think its a joke,but if it is real i think we all should start taking steps to ban people with an iq under 40 from using computers.linux is a favourite hackers program is it?oh dear...what is going on with the people on this planet?flash? a program used to create animations on web sites -the new weapon of choice for cyber crooks?i took a good look in my wardrobe this morning and all my jeans and trousers are baggy......dear god,have i turned into a web terrorist without me knowing?it must be all those hours playing quake online-i must have been brainwashed into killing those people with my shotgun the othernight.wait a minute....i don't have a shotgun...and i've never raised a finger to anyone of my family,friends,or partners in my 34 years...nor have i ever been tempted to.oohhh...i know why i thought that.it's because i've just read a piece of absolute stinking horses**t by some backwards,ignorant,no-nothing,tabloid reading planthead thats just learned how to type on the infamous 'hacker' program called word.jesus..it gets worse...' They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program'...tell me mr gibbons...how the bloody hell do you 'break' into someones stereo systems with a computer? do you hold the monitor over it and drop it so it smashes the stereo open?what exactly do you mean?i don't get it.shut up shut up shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!do not ever go into an electrical store without police supervision-because when you see all the mp3 players on display i'd hate to see you get into trouble for trying to make a citizens arrest on the poor store-owner.i am now going to post this and have a laugh at what the other replies posted...and if just one of them agrees with you i am going to make it my goal to never read again.

@geoscope

sarcasm and satire are mutually exclusive mental skills

tell me about it. some of them couldn't even have just that and just settle for plain rudeness.

BTW: check out the other articles in the site and the polls.

more of the same.

micheal_andreas_stahl · Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:56 am

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

WHAT IS THIS???? IS THIS THE LUNIX WITH THE PINQUIN???? tHIS GUY IS STUPID

micheal_andreas_stahl · Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:04 pm

Hang on a second... AHHHHH, i got sucked in......

micheal_andreas_stahl · Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:10 pm

This guy is either a) an idiot b) writing that to get responses c) bored or d) an idiot.

Post by **www2** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:17 pm

micheal_andreas_stahl wrote:This guy is either a) an idiot b) writing that to get responses c) bored or d) an idiot.

what is the difrens between a and d?
i chose for d....

micheal_andreas_stahl · Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:20 pm

I'm a hacker.

Post by **klauss** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:25 pm

I could tell it was a joke from the very beginning.
I don't know... the huge amount of misinformation gives it away, I think.

Though I've known misinformed people (even more deeply misinformed), noone brags about a perfect family like that unless they're producing a work of fiction.
Ya - that's the giveaway, not the misinformation. In fact, I bet he intended it to be like that: the introduction, with all that blabbering, is like a "check out this joke: there was a guy who..."

Stakhanov · Post by **Stakhanov** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:40 pm

Oh noes , you have linux ?!?!?! do not kill the internet !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:17 am

Lunix, stakhanov, lunix.. We must correct these early attempts at cover-up by this hacker-terrorist Linyos Torovolotos.

We're a community of ahckers here. We must take steps to preserve this last bastion of freedom! Long Live the hackers!

Long live Lunix!

and whatnots!

@klauss:

noone brags about a perfect family like that unless they're producing a work of fiction.

I wouldn't exactly call an uber-strict and ultra0conformist family like that "perfect".

It reeks vaguely of repressed psychosis, the way he describes it. Like Stephen King's characters.

Post by **klauss** » Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:34 am

I meant he described it as absolutely perfect, even though what he described is far from perfect (or healthy) to me.
Noone's that full of himself.

micheal_andreas_stahl · Thu Sep 21, 2006 11:53 pm

Weeelllllll i know a few families that brag like that.

wirser · Post by **wirser** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:28 am

Does your child breath?
Does your child do stupid things?
....
Brace yourselves folks
YOUR CHILDREN MAY BE HUMAN

this however doesn't explain why "safe and secure" AOL members were spamming me in a previous isp

em3rald · Post by **em3rald** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:22 am

I'd also like to point out:

If your child uses code-words like "LOL", "BRB", "AFAIK", and "ROFL", they are likely using hacker-talk, and you should reprimand them.

By the way,

If your child drives a compact car (such as a Dodge Neon, Honda Prelude, Honda Civic, etc) that has been modified with colored lights and/or oversized spoiler, your child is likely dealing drugs. If they use the words, "Pimped-out" in reference to their car, it is a sure sign they are dealing drugs. Also, if they use the terms, "you-da-man", "who's-yer-daddy", and "booya", you should go ahead and call the police as they are definitely dealing drugs, and probably belong to a gang.

And finally,

If your child wears a lot of black clothing, especially with T-Shirts that include "Slayer", "Metallica", and "Vanilla Ice", you should read the rest of this article. Carefully review your child's make-up (especially boys). If they wear excess black eye-liner, have multiple ear-piercings (and heaven-forbid, nose piercings), and/or listen to music by a band called Green Day, your child may be immitating the lifestyle of a vampire! Check their sleeping habits: Do they sleep in until the late hour of 11 am on Saturdays? Do they skip church or Sunday School because they are too tired? Do they wear sunglasses when it isn't particularly dark? Do they act aloof and/or moody? They are probably trying to become vampires and you should contact your local Christian church at the earliest opportunity. You can help combat their vampirism by spraying holy water on them with a plant-mister (make holy water by boiling your tap water and dribbling a small amount of Extra Virgin Olive oil into it as it cools), hanging a crucafix in their bedroom (or better yet, putting under their pillow), and poking them with a wooden stick.

Closing thoughts ...

Heh heh heh ... I can't believe ANYONE got upset at ALL about that article. To me it almost seems preposterous to even have to tell people that it's a joke. To go so far as to use derogatory comments regarding the author is pure ignorance. I laughed so hard my ribs hurt! The author was obviously quite brilliant, though I wouldn't have guessed it before I read the replies. The article was cute, and made me laugh. But I wouldn't have called it brilliant because I wasn't aware that so many people were fooled by it. The very thought was laughable unto itself. And then the replies ... such vehemence! So many people trying to discount his claims, even apparently computer-savvy people debating the veracity of the article. WOW! Now THAT made me laugh so hard I cried. {sigh} ... this one goes down in history as one of those "epiphany" moments.

... Eureka!

micheal_andreas_stahl · Sat Sep 23, 2006 11:27 am

It WAS funny once i relised it was a joke...

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:17 am

ROFL

If your child uses code-words like "LOL", "BRB", "AFAIK", and "ROFL", they are likely using hacker-talk, and you should reprimand them.

oops.
...

...

excuse me.. I meant

..that was very funny. Thank you for pointing out the methods by which my parents might find out that I am a hacker, a drug-dealer,and a vampire. you da man! now I can devise counter-intelligence measures, misinformation operations, and sabotage missions. They'll never catch me alive!

i need to change my eye-liner to blue to match my Vanilla Ice t-shirt, excuse me a moment...

plueschinger · Post by **plueschinger** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:04 pm

Hello

My child never gets my " Get in the ring, motherfu**er" T-Shirt, from the Guns'n Roses Tour 1991-92, it's a relic.

And for shure he gets a "Metallica" T-Shirt ( better than a Juh-Gi-Joh T-Shirt),
when he only plays the first chords of "Enter Sandman" on guitar,
it is very easy to to play and sounds very good, you can learn to play the first chords of "EnterSandman"in half an hour normallly.

But no way, he just hits the strings, and I'm afraid that he brakes my E-guitar, o.k he is only 6 years old, but he knows how to make noise with my guitar and I mean real "NOISE".

I hope, he doesn't goes that disappointed with the guitar like me with the flute in school.
Our teacher told us, such a crowd of children, who can't play instruments, he never saw before in his life.

And then I hated music until I was 14.

And all this has a funny sideaffect,
when the kids go in in their teenage age and want to start a rebellion against the parents,
they go very conservative and start to work in a bank,
because the parents still have their old anarchistic ideas, for example a house in the middle of nowhere at the beach, they didn't stopped to make party and believe in a simple life for example with a cow to make cheese and selling selfmade pottery and paintings.

So the kids of the future have the problem that their parents are cooler then them.

Regards
plueschinger

micheal_andreas_stahl · Wed Sep 27, 2006 1:56 am

plueschinger wrote:I hope, he doesn't goes that disappointed with the guitar like me with the flute in school.
Our teacher told us, such a crowd of children, who can't play instruments, he never saw before in his life.
And then I hated music until I was 14.

Apparently the hardest thing about flute is getting mouth piece right so one can make a sound. One of my friends, Anna, plays Piano and Violin and can also play several pieces on the flute. So if i need some help with music i have a pro to turn to.

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 11:41 am

So the kids of the future have the problem that their parents are cooler then them

I'm rebelling!
I'm going to wear clean pressed clothes, with a TIE, mind you. And then I'm going to get straight A's and graduate Summa Cum Laude, and then go on to work on a fulfilling desk job! And I'll learn to play a ukulele! Guitars are sooooo history. And GunsNRoses, WHO are they? Oh, were they the inventors of HipHop?

BTW:Is Yu-Gi-Yoh really that popular over there. It's a shameless imitation of Magic the Gathering. Just as Digimon copycatted Pokemon.

plueschinger · Post by **plueschinger** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:10 am

Hello

Oblivion wrote:BTW:Is Yu-Gi-Yoh really that popular over there. It's a shameless imitation of Magic the Gathering. Just as Digimon copycatted Pokemon.

It is horribble, I only don't know "Magic the Gathering", but the rest is disgusting.
The best you can do with "Yu-Gi-Yoh" and "Pokemon" cards, is to build a card house with your son.
And then the films.

If they would look a cool film like "Dragonball" or "Dragonball-Z"
"Son-Goku, Son-Gohan, Krellin" are amasing, and then the silly girl "Bulma", and my hero "Vegeta", I have a watch (clock with a picture of vegeta), but the kids don't like it.

And about gun'snroses,
you're right in the end of the nineteenth century, a short time before they invented the telephone and the electricity, guns'n roses invented the "Hip Hop".

,
or was it the 18th century?

Regards
Plueschinger

Post by **loki1950** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:18 am

they Guns 'n Rose are to play here in Ottawa next week that is if Axle is sober

Enjoy the Choice

plueschinger · Post by **plueschinger** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:28 am

Hello

@Loki1950 go there if you can,

I only hope the people don't start fighting eachother.
A pitty, that there is no more "Blind Melon"

,
which was in my opinion the better part of Guns'nRoses.
I have some songs from "Blind Melon", where you don't know who is singing,
"Axel" or "Blind Melon".

Regards
Plueschinger